The Sandy Effect

I just realized that as I started to type this entry, I have deleted the same sentiment at least ten times because I hesitate to offend any one individually or the collective whole. While I do not intend to offend, I know that some will read this and perhaps take it as a criticism of their personal actions/lack thereof. I suppose I will let this leading paragraph serve as my public service announcement then that that was certainly not my intention.

And so begins my actual topic this evening. For anyone not living under a rock in the latter part of 2012, we are all aware of the disasters that terrified our country. Between Hurricane/Superstorm Sandy that forever changed our eastern coastline and reeked havoc on so many of our cherished childhood memories to the Sandy Hook Elementary horror that destroyed American parents' sense of safety for their youngest children's school days, we as a society have witnessed beyond words and comprehension a humbling devastation that left a deep hole in many of our hearts.

For many, in times such as these, an urge to save ourselves from total damnation as a society seems to develop. We open our doors, our hearts, our wallets in a kind offering of help. These same doors that months before we did not/could not open for friends, family or strangers alike. The same hearts we kept sheltered from outsiders. The same wallets we claimed were too thin to aid another.

This "pay it forward" mindset invades social news feeds, business advertisements, news and media. We call on others to engage in acts of kindness and giving in the hopes that one good deed will in turn result in another. And while the sentiment and outpouring of "society" is wonderful, it also makes me sad.

I find it sad that buying a cup of coffee for the car in line behind you, for sending bags of clothing to shelters, allowing the woman in back of you to check out of line first has become such uncommon acts of kindness that we give it a name and publicly call upon others to join in on the campaign.

I'm saddened by the realization that while we live among each other, often in closer proximity than ever before, we as a society have broken down. Miriam Webster defines society as "an enduring and cooperating social group whose members have developed organized patterns of relationships through interaction with one another."

I'm curious how many people engaged in this pay it forward phenomena prior to the 2012 disasters. I wonder why it wasn't newsworthy on a personal or national level before Sandy. Most strongly I wonder when helping our fellow community members became paying it forward versus just doing what every human being should.

Maybe it's the idea that these acts of kindness/cooperation as been given a "name" that irks me. Or maybe it's that for 8 months out of 2012 on 98% of the news and media streams we heard nothing about this whole pay it forward concept.

I do not want to believe our society is so broken we only help when we are reminded by tragedy that we can and should. I don't want these good deeds to be commercialized and tainted by popularity and recognition.

Is it that we ignore the good we see all around us until we know the world needs to see it or is it that we forget we are not alone living among many until horrific images and catastrophe strikes so close both physically and metaphorically to our hearts and home?

Are we so engrossed in our own worlds that we have forgotten to foster relationships with friends, family, community alike?

I have refused to engage in the pay it forward campaign of latter 2012/early 2013, or as i call it "The Sandy Effect," not because I don't feel the actions themselves are noteworthy. And not because I feel the intent behind these acts of kindness are motivated by false intentions, but because my opinion is and always will honestly be that I will continue to do what I have always done.

I will treat perfect strangers with respect. I will smile and say hello while looking them in the eye. I will say please, thank you and you're welcome. I will hold the door. I will offer the cashier my money when a fellow human being falls short when I'm able. I will make donations to charities where and when and in what means/methods we are able to.

I will do this without posting on social media. No news cameras will follow me as I do. And I'm ok with that because growing up we didn't call it paying it forward. We called it other things. Respect. Kindness. Compassion. Community. We didn't wait for there to be a need. We just did it. All the time.

While the outpouring of kindness is a positive result of the last several months, I fear once the new-ness of these tragedies fades, The Sandy Effect will subside. We as a collective whole will return to our own microcosms and forget to be active members of society. I beg everyone and anyone to fight against that. To not let the hurt that has invaded your hearts be your drive, but rather the love that is and always will be there. When camera crews leave and status updates return to the mundane antics of every day life, what will you be doing for society?